


Bladewave: Comfort

by maplemooh



Category: Life of the Party (Web Series)
Genre: Affection, Backstory theory for Renard, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cassian being sweet, Falling In Love, Renard being stubborn, Renard without a mask, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 04:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20942132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maplemooh/pseuds/maplemooh
Summary: When some of Renard's secrets have been revealed, Cassian finds himself comforting the mercenary.





	Bladewave: Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> This was written after Episode 5, and edited for events in Episode 6.
> 
> This fic assumes that my previous fic, Bladewave: Against the Wall happened in Sanskra, and another fic by Renard's player took place in the next town over, bringing their relationship to this point.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading!

I didn’t quite believe the words that fell out of my mouth, “I’ll go talk with him.”

I could feel Elyse’s eyes bore into me as I squared my shoulders, pushing my chest out, daring anyone to defy me. I wasn’t worried about Boblem or Sariel speaking against my decision, but wanted to intimidate Astra a little. A show of confidence and the tiefling would back down.

As predicted, it was Astra who questioned, “Are you sure, Cassian? You two...aren’t exactly friends.” He looked out towards the embankment where Renard had stomped off to. “I don’t know if Renard would appreciate you treating him...the way you normally treat him.” Astra was trying to pick his words, but he wasn’t exactly as subtle as he wanted to be.

I couldn’t help but smirk. “Astra, my friend, he doesn’t need coddling right now,” I stated.

Astra furrowed his brow. I had to give him credit. He always looked for the good in people. He was a kind character; far too kind, and we were all guilty of indulging him.

I looked towards the bent-over figure of Renard, a black lump few hundred feet away from the rest of us. As I started to turn, a hand grabbed my wrist. I turned to look, a bit in shock at someone else touching me. I’d carefully cultivated a persona that would discourage anyone from touching me unless I initiated it.

Astra’s hand was wrapped around my wrist. His voice matched the pleading look on his face, “Be nice, Cassian. Please.”

My smile was genuine for a second, before I switched it to my normal cocky one, “When am I not nice?” I quipped back, tossing my hair, “I’m a delight.”

Astra wasn’t convinced, but he released my wrist. It had been enough. I squared myself up again, and began my saunter over to Ren. 

I knew I had to handle this softly, though I wasn't quite sure why out of all of us, I was the one who opened his big mouth to volunteer to talk to Renard. That wasn’t entirely true. I knew why, and I had continually stamped it out, or at least I thought I had. 

It had started as simply enjoying pushing his buttons. He was terrible at hiding his emotions, even behind his stupid mask, so it was easy enough to find a sore spot to poke at with him. It was entertainment between the times I had to play mentor to Boblem, or save our entire group’s collective asses when they ran head first into danger.

They were a bunch of idiots. Even Elyse, who was the most arguably interesting of the group, didn’t always exercise caution. Entertaining, but idiotic nonetheless.

Things started to change after Sanskra. Sure, we’d fucked before we’d gone back out on the road to our next destination. Being able to manipulate Renard into that fucking however, would continue to stroke my ego for a solid decade. But that was just fucking, and nothing more than that - an itch to be scratched.

It was our next stop in some random town that changed something. We’d had to room together again. We were both exhausted, and had just decided to go to bed, after a brief argument about the sleeping arrangements. There was comfort in sleeping with another person, and I very rarely let anyone do so. I’d always left, or had the other leave after a fuck. There was vulnerability in actually sleeping beside someone, and I was not interested in letting anyone in past my perfectly-constructed walls.

There hadn’t been any sex, though. We’d argued, and after Ren went to bed in a huff, I found the pull of the mattress too great to resist. I didn’t need to sleep as long - I never did - and I hadn’t wanted to admit to myself that I liked it when I woke up with a very asleep Renard curled up to me. I kept the fact that I stroked his hair, burying myself in for the scent of him, and that I may have even given him a soft kiss on the head, to myself.

Eventually, I’d had to wake him from a nightmare. I found myself looking beyond the physical of him, actually getting to see past Renard’s poorly constructed persona. Astra would have been a better comfort than I was that night. It’s not like I had any good examples of love or friendship in my life, so I didn’t know what the hell I was doing, trying to comfort a man whom I’d delighted in tormenting hours earlier.

I was here for entertainment, for excitement. I was here to be a better wizard, and get away from the absolute bore of my life before. I was here for myself and myself only.

I wasn’t here to give a shit about anyone else, especially not a ginger mercenary with a stick up his ass.

The sneer crossed my face before I could stop it.

I wasn’t here to care.

Yet here I was, caring.

Weakness, I chided myself. Caring was weakness. And you, Cassian Thiarin, were not weak.

Besides, I continued to chide in my head, he had the life expectancy of a gnat in comparison to myself, so why in the Gods’ Names would I even entertain this kind of thought? Why was that night, an insignificant night, being replayed in my head almost constantly? I had better things to do with my time than to think about a mercenary who displayed the personality of a soggy biscuit.

I’d made it across the gap between the party and Renard, who’d needed some air after the last battle. It’d been rough, and Renard had been made to face some things that he was obviously running away from.

We all had secrets. There were reasons why we did the things we did. I didn’t need anyone to reveal those secrets to me - I really didn’t care what happened in the past. The past was what it was - the past - and why dwell on it.

I crossed my arms - my henna did look spectacular, if I said so myself - and watched Renard for a moment. He was sitting on a small embankment by a stream. The water had overflowed at one point, making a sharp lip between the grass and the mud, which made a perfect seat to gaze out at. That’s where the so-called mercenary sat, looking out over a stream that wasn’t quite a stream, but too small to be a river.

His hair was longer. We’d hadn’t been in a town long enough to take care of ourselves. I’d have to remedy that.

I was surprised to see the mask placed on the ground beside him. The last time I caught Ren without it, he’d drawn his sword on me on my approach, and thrown his arm across his face. This was one secret I was curious about, but knew not to push on it. Ren would not have been so protective for no reason, and drawing too much attention to it would have only made him less likely to trust anyone with seeing his face.

Renard sighed, and moved from leaning on his knees to sitting up more. “I know you’re there, Cassian.”

It was a statement.

“You’re not wearing your mask,” was my statement back to him. Why was I even giving him the opportunity to put it back on again? Fuck, I wanted to see his face after all this time.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

Ren snorted out a breathy laugh - one of the ones where you push air through your nose. “No, I’m not.”

He wasn’t giving me a lot here. I couldn’t help it as my eyes rolled. This is why it was so fun to push all his buttons and wind him up like a children’s toy. He could be so tactless, and impossibly stubborn.

I bit my tongue and swallowed the urge to take a jab at him, but didn’t speak. I was desperately trying to figure out what to say. What the fuck was I doing here? I was just as broken as he was inside, just in different ways - if I couldn’t even fix myself, why did I think I could fix him?

I was familiar with the edge on Renard’s voice, “What do you want, Cassian?” My mere presence was setting him off. I silently patted myself on the back for a job well done - the fact that I existed was enough to annoy him. Good, good. My concentrated efforts to piss him off had worked well. Perhaps too well.

I was surprised at my voice as it left me, “I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Was that even my voice saying that? It was so...kind.

His ginger hair shook as he gave a derisive snort. “What the fuck do you care? You don’t give a shit about anyone.”

Ahh, there it was. Ren hiding behind his defensive wall. Maybe if he insulted me, he could get me to go away. He was a pretty thing, even with most of his face obscure, but he wasn’t always so bright. His strategy hadn’t worked yet, but this time his words did sting just a little bit.

No. No. My lips curled up as I pushed what I was feeling down. Ren couldn’t hurt me because I didn’t care. I was here for me. I was who I was so nobody could get close enough to hurt me, nobody would even dare to get close enough.

So why did that little insult get through my barriers?

Fuck. 

I didn’t reply right away. Action would be better than talking to him right now. He’d just been flayed emotionally in front of us all, and he wasn’t a good enough yet to be able to have pushed that kind of trauma down. I could hear the strain in his voice. His lash out at me was him doing his best to restrain himself.

I moved slowly, taking care to put one foot down slowly in front of the other. I could see the tension in his shoulders rise. He was fighting with everything he had to just be as he was, despite his reservations. I could pick up the pound of his heart; it was completely frantic. His breathing was shallow and rapid. He was probably sweating by now as well.

I would have to tread very, very carefully.

I stepped down off the lip of the grass, and on to the firm sandy muck of the stream’s banks. He’d tilted his head down and was looking away from me - clever bastard. I picked up my overcoat so that it would be more comfortable, and sat beside him. My hand hovered in the air above his shoulder as I tried to decide the best course of action.

If I could be the lightning rod for his anger, he could stop focusing on the secrets he’d just lost. 

The moment my hand touched his armoured shoulder, he flinched away. “Don’t touch me!” he spat, curling his body on itself and pivoting completely away from me. Expected.

I rolled my eyes again, this time mostly from habit. “Renard, don’t be so -”

I cut my sentence short as he started laughing, lifting his head as he did. “Don’t be so what, Cassian?” He turned his head ever so slightly to look at me over his shoulder - I could see more of his face than I’d ever seen before. What colour were his eyes? I couldn’t tell between the messy strands of hair. 

“Don’t be so childish? Don’t be such a prude?” He turned away from me again as he echoed insults that I’d thrown at him in the past, “Whatever it is, I’m obviously failing at it because I wasn’t born frigid like you were. By Melora, you are such an insufferable asshole.” He was shaking, and the tips of his ears were blushing with anger. “Can you even feel with that heart of stone?” he muttered.

I exhaled the breath I’d been holding, and got busy with mentally stamping out those jabs. Tiny pinpricks in my exterior. It could withstand.

Now that his anger was on me, we could move forward with the rest of it. Get Ren centered again and back to the group - I’m sure they were anxious. It really hadn’t been that long - under ten minutes by my assumption.

I moved off the lip of the grass, and instead sat on my haunches - I’d have to ask Astra to clean the hems of my robes because they would pick up the muck - ugh. The movement sent me directly in front of Renard’s closed-up form, who was leaning forward, elbows leaned on his knees, arms crossed and holding a shoulder each.

Seeing Ren like this was...what was the word for what I was feeling? There was some level of frustration in there, but something else. It was the same kind of feeling I tried to quash in the town after Sanskra, except this time, it was more insistent. Bigger. Like I wanted to shake the stupid out of him, but also have his head on my chest with my arms around him.

“Look at me, Ren,” I said softly and as gently as I could. He was still hiding his face, though now I couldn’t tell if it was habit, shame, or he was just fucking with me. I leaned over, placing a hand on his knee for balance, which made him pull his arm back and toss his hair, attempting to clear it from his face.

A face that now locked eyes with mine.

I had years of training to keep my face neutral, but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

Don’t react. I couldn’t react. I needed him to think it wasn’t a big deal to me, but fuck me, this changed everything.

Astra was right; I had never seen eyes so stunning as Renard’s.

He was watching every twitch of my face.

“There we are,” I purred, letting a smile spread across my lips. I had to play this cool. If I let on anything more than mild surprise, it might send him over the edge and beyond the broken self-hatred that he was obviously bathing in for the past few months. 

What the fuck was up with my body?

It was difficult maintaining my composure with my chest feeling so tight. My own heart was racing, and brief waves of something - nausea? Heat? Goosebumps? I didn’t know, but my body was reacting to this in the exact opposite manner I needed it to, so I could keep up the facade.

Keep it together, Cassian.

Renard’s brows furrowed at me, his lips curling to expose his teeth as he grimaced at me. “I said don’t touch me,” he growled, but the edge was gone from his voice.

“I heard what you said,” I kept my eyes locked on his as he raised his eyebrows at me, then looked at my hand on his knee. He expected me to remove it - how cute. “But I don’t like being told what to do,” I said, then regretted my tone instantly. I could see his face freeze - I knew that stiffness in his jaw. I needed to change direction, and quickly before he put another layer up on the wall of defensiveness between us.

“Believe me when I say this,” I started, keeping my voice low and soft, “I don’t care about your secrets. Keep them, it matters not. But,” I reached up to brush some of the stray hair from his face - goddammit my hand would not stop shaking, “I do care about you, and who you are now.”

I leaned forward, coming off my haunches, which were aching a bit, and on to my knees. Ugh. Why was I allowing myself to get dirty again? Fuck, this had better be worth it. I slid my hands from his chin to around his jaw - he was letting me. This was very good. He was listening. I needed him to get out of his head.

I cradled his head in my hands, feeling the rough of his stubble under my palms. “You’re a good man. This hasn’t changed anything.” I didn’t want to stop looking at him - Gods, he was handsome - but I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in to him, letting our foreheads touch.

What was I craving from him? It wasn’t lust this time. This was foreign to me.

“You’re in danger now,” he breathed. He felt that I was in danger now that I’d seen him. Part of a secret lost.

“I don’t care,” I lied...wait, was I actually lying? No...I meant that.

I meant it?

I had him. I had Renard right here, and with a few key words, I could destroy him utterly and entirely. A month ago, I would have torn him apart like a babe left to the wolves. He was raw, emotional and vulnerable, even more so than after his nightmare in the last town. I had all the ammunition to break him.

I had absolutely no want to.

We were silent for a few moments, skin against skin. I listened to his heartbeat, and his breath, and tried to stop my vision from swimming too much. The moment was thick, and intense, and there was so much connection that was being unspoken between this ginger-haired mercenary and I. 

I pulled back, leaving my hands on his jaw for a moment; a jaw that now fit in with the wider cheekbones on his face. I almost couldn’t comprehend just how handsome Ren was under that mask. Even with his face dirty, tear-streaked and mussed up from the battle before this, his features stood out. Did he realize how handsome he was? 

I begrudgingly understood why he felt he needed his mask, though. If I had eyes like he did, and was worried about being identified, I’d make sure they were disguised as well. They were breathtakingly stunning - I had never seen anyone with two different coloured eyes before. Both vivid, both intense, and both very different colours.

They fit in with the smattering of freckles across his nose, around his temples and forehead.

I didn’t want to resist anymore. I bought his jaw towards me; he didn’t resist as our lips crushed together, his slightly dry and chapped against mine. I’d have to do something about that. 

I didn’t want to pull away, but I also didn’t know if this is what Ren wanted as well. He gave me an answer as my lips left his, chasing the sensation as he took more control and kissing me back - a good sign. I let one hand slide to the back of his neck, as I felt him grip my shoulders. I let myself drown in it, and let him direct when he needed air. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.

Yes. This was it. This was what I wanted.

I didn’t want to admit why I wanted this. Right now, maybe I didn’t have to. Renard needed it, and I wanted it: this comfort, this crush of body against body. My arms wrapped around his shoulders as I leaned in, just...enjoying him. Being there. Even if he was probably getting my robe dirty and covered in residual blood from the previous fight.

His body shuddered. “You’re safe, I have you,” I crooned to him, holding him tightly to me. I could feel the pull on my robes as he wrapped his hands in them, much like he did after his nightmare. I inhaled deeply, letting him lean in to me. I didn’t like him being in so much pain, but I liked him so close, overwhelming my senses…

...Cassian Thiarin, you complete and utter fool.

He choked for a moment, “How can you trust me again, after...now that you know…”

I moved a hand up to stroke his hair, “How many times have you saved our lives, Renard? The mistakes of the past don’t define the actions of the present.” I turned my head - what an awkward angle - to give him a light kiss. I could only reach his hairline, but I tried. 

“What if they come after you...all of you...to get to me?” he whispered to me.

I couldn’t help but pull back away from him and laugh. “Then, my dear,” what the fuck did I just call him? “We fuck their shit up. You have seen us fight, yes?”

His face broke into a grin and he laughed. He needed it.

This time, my smile was genuine. His expression now was softer, the smile fading from him but the edges of his mouth still upturned. He was...comforted. Safe. Secure. I brought my hand up and wiped his cheeks, and his face broke again into a sheepish half-smile, showing his teeth.

His question was quiet, “Why...why did you come?”

“Why not?” I answered, remembering our conversation in bed, in that cramped inn atop a tavern, in the middle of absolutely nowhere. I’d said the same thing to him when I kissed him there, to stop his angry rant. “You’re not upset anymore.”

Wasn't it obvious why I came?

It took a few more minutes for Ren to regain his composure. He placed the mask back over his face - his gorgeous face covered by a brass monstrosity - and I tied the ribbon in the back after mending it. I hadn’t realized how damaged it had gotten since I mended it last.

As we stood, ready to head back to the group - I could see Astra pacing in the distance - I stroked his cheek once more. “You’re okay, Ren,” I assured him. “No matter who you were before. Come, let’s go. One of them will burst a blood vessel if we take too much more time.”

With that, I lead a much more put-together Renard toward the party, who greeted him with open arms. Surprisingly, Renard didn’t flinch as Elyse put her hand on his shoulder, or when Astra and Boblem insisted on hugging him - though he did push them off eventually. Sariel checked in, then looked at me out of the side of her eyes.

My facade was back. I didn’t give her anything.

It didn’t change the fact that everything was different. I’d have to figure it out. I had time, and I had someone to figure it out with, I hoped.


End file.
